What hit me about 10 minutes into the run was the sweet smell of spring in the air. Without consciously deciding my route, I spontaneously chose to run out in the fields mostly on the dirt paths and off my usual loop. The soft, moist ground seemed to support me and seemed to even propel me forward with every step. I actually started to feel light and even, yes, somewhat happy.

It was a glorious morning to be outside, in the spring air, with my heart pumping away. I felt my lungs stretch with each breath and I smiled as the sweat roll down into my eyes. I coasted most of the way home and even picked up my pace (to more than a slow jog that is). I sprinted up a short hill to slap my mailbox, which has become in my wild imagination, just like the Olympic finish line.

It is amazing how our minds can create a story and a scenario and convince us of one thing when actually reality is pretty darn awesome.

“All is well.” Last week, I heard those words in every encounter with my new Jamaican family at Jake’s Hotel in Treasure Beach, Jamaica where I taught a yoga retreat. This resort in the quiet, quaint fishing village of Treasure Beach on the southern side of the island oozed peace, serenity and, well, “chill”. Over the course of the week I got to know and grew to love many of the Jake’s staff and the locals of Treasure Beach. And I found my smile growing wider as these sunny folks somehow found a way to squeeze “All is well” into every conversation.

Interesting – because just a month ago, I was completely spellbound by Proof of Heaven, the story of a neurosurgeon, Dr. Eben Alexander, in which he described the miracle of his survival after contracting E. Coli infection/meningitis and his experience of several days in a severe coma. Upon awakening from his near death experience (NDE), he uttered an uncharacteristic phrase to his family “All is well”.

I knew that I had to sit with this phrase. I pondered it and pulled it apart and after doing so the answer simply fell in my lap…   All really is well. The sun keeps coming up everyday. I have plenty of food, shelter and love in my life. I am healthy and happy. All is well. And the rest of it, the drama, the drain, well, as they say, it’s just small stuff.

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary these simple words are defined as follows:

All: the whole amount
Is: a state of being
Well: as one could wish

During my week in Jamaica surrounded by sweet smelling flowers and fresh ocean air, it was easy to adopt this new response. I shared it with the other yogis on retreat. It quickly became our retreat mantra as we flowed through a dozen plus yoga practices, settled our minds in meditation, soaked up the sun on deserted beaches and swayed and swirled during the reggae nights. We reminded each other of our new mantra as little daily inconveniences arose here and there.

You see, it is all okay, life that is. For most of us reading this blog, all is well.

We can learn to start right there, with that intention; our lives are as perfect “as one could wish.” Try writing “All is well” on some sticky notes as I have and place them where you will see them throughout the day, i.e. the steering wheel of your call, your refrigerator, your laptop, your pillow etc. Hold this simple, positive phrase in your pocket and it may just change your outlook on life. It may make you smile more or chuckle louder. You may feel lighter and sunnier. You may even take on the cheerful demeanor of my lovely Jamaican friends.

Watch out, because your new mantra just may fill you with positive energy, happiness and a new sense of excitement.

Ya man… All is well.

• Moving my body both slowly and vigorously is necessary and fully supports a deeper meditation practice.

• The mind, when surrendered to the moment, seeks stillness and emptiness.

• We are always transmitting our state of being, always. Being silent helped me to get under the noisy mind so that I could get intimate with the subtle ways in which I transmit.

• The ears hear, the eyes see and the mind thinks. Thoughts will continue to come and go. In stillness I learn that I cannot stop my thoughts but I can allow them to come and go without getting involved.

• Stillness is found below the neck. I found profound stillness when my awareness dropped below my mind and rested in my heart and body.

• To meet the world from a place of deep stillness is a miracle.

• The word “quiet” has a completely new meaning for me.

• At the deepest level we are all seeking connection with silence and emptiness.

• The mind will exhaust itself if you sit with yourself long enough. It gets tired of telling the same old stories. That is when stillness emerges.

• In the quietness and stillness of the weekend I proclaimed the following: “I release and relinquish the “me” that I thought I knew and I step back into the world:
o Quiet & Still
o Spacious & Clear
o More loving
o Kinder & Gentler
o Non-judgmental
o Ready to serve

I still feel a deep sense of quiet now two days post retreat and have a new sense of commitment to my daily meditation and silence practices. This state of being feels too good to lose. I hope to be able to sustain this deep inner stillness. My experience in the woods was profound and I am forever changed. I will go into prolonged silence again. For now I will practice carrying my stillness into the world and sharing it with others.

• Food tastes infinitely better, or worse, when you eat slowly, quietly and mindfully.

• Silence let me see that I was tired and I require more sleep than I have been allowing myself.

• Being alone and quiet is just as important in my life as being with loved ones, eating well and exercising. For it is in the silence that I can hear God whisper in my heart.

• Silence allows me to pay attention precisely to the chatter in my mind and then I can choose to let the noise go and rest in being.

• Silence showed me that I attach stories to my feelings and that makes the feelings heavier. If I allow myself to just feel the feelings without the cloak of stories, I am lighter and more free.

• Silence allowed me to listen to my body closely and hear that my body needs to move. Both slow mindful movement and fast heart pounding mindful movement.

• Being silent and paying attention in a mindful way with 100 other people reminded me that we are all Divine beings who have more in common than we do different.

• Being silent reminded me that I feel connected to the outdoors. That it is important for me to go outside and listen to the wind, look up in the sky, feel the rain, hear the trees sing.

• I learned that stillness is ever-present regardless of the situation. This stillness is Divine. To attune to it, all we have to do is pay attention to our breath and drop into our body to see what is already and always present.

• In my silence, I remembered how important it is to take time every day to be still, quiet and reconnect.

• Silence is strong but soft.

Many people have asked me if this was a fun or awesome or a horrible experience. Some people have looked at me like I am weird. Other people have asked how could I bare to be away from my three precious children for that long and all for some silence! My response is, that for me, it was a profound experience. I come home more grounded, clear and free of the burdens I thought I had. It’s like taking out the trash or cleaning out that junk drawer. I now have more space to be present. And, YES, I will go away again and be SILENT, but probably not next weekend.

I am recognizing the state of fearlessness. For so many years I have studied it and have always “yearned” for it but have always felt disconnected from the meaning. Others were “fearless”, I simply read about it.

I understand this place more now. It is the state in which we continue to step in groundlessness. It’s where we strip the walls, we rip up the floors and we empty the room of all décor. We sit in that raw space, that empty place of not knowing. It is there that fearlessness awaits you.

And as a “warrior-in-training”, I am learning to sit with fearlessness, which, in so many ways, is infinitely more challenging than sitting with fear. Fear is easy stuff. Fear is habitual. Fearlessness goes against everything the ego stands for. It defies gravity.

I feel it happening. I feel the walls of my ego starting to crumble. I physically feel it happening. I am being rocked like an earthquake. The pictures on the walls are falling off. The ceiling is crashing to the floor. The foundation of what I “know” is beginning to crumble. Everything as I know it is changing form. And during this massive, perfect storm, I sense the peace. I see the glimmer of clear sky on the horizon, the stillness of the water. I hear the faint chirping of the birds.

I have always been drawn to the idea of the warrior and now I finally feel this “idea” manifesting in my life. I am becoming a warrior, a sacred warrior who knows how, as Oriah Mountain Dreamer puts it, “ to stand in the fire and not shrink back.” The warrior who stands on unknown territory and lifts her hands to the sky, looks up, smiles and screams, “YES!”

And so I say YES to today, just today for I know that it is futile to look beyond. I say yes, to what to what may manifest. Yes to what may unfold. Yes to who I am becoming and to whom I am letting go of. You see, “I” am dying. The little “me” that I have held onto has already crumbled and the warrior is emerging to serve the world more fully.

I am ready to step into this day. I am beyond ego, beyond proving, beyond needing any recognition for anything.

Here I am. I trust. I love. I am ready to fly.

I moved my body. It cracked, it released, it opened up.
I settled my mind. Thoughts steadied then stopped.
I rested in a state of silence.
My Being, my True Self, explored the moment with the curiosity of a child.
In this place I met a state called lila, divine play, and my heart sang.

On Sunday evening while we were still pre-Sandy, The Weather Channel did much of the work for me as drenched weather people screamed over howling winds that the east coast was shutting down. I had thought for a moment about holding Monday morning classes but came to my senses thinking about the teachers and staff that I would have to ask to travel. I realized that it was unfair and honestly not worth it. I made the decision to cancel for the entire day on Monday without struggling or stressing. I surrendered to the weather and I smiled.

Now three days later we are without power at our Wayne center with perhaps a few days of darkness in front of us. We are holding limited daytime classes and doing to best that we can. As we all know, there are so many others that have so much more to stress about than whether or not they can get on their yoga mat for a practice. I get that which has helped me to not pull every hair I own off of my head.

This week has honestly been a personal victory for me as I see how much my practices have shifted my habitual reactions to challenge and uncertainty. This week I observed the fruits of years of sitting on my meditation cushion and moving mindfully on my yoga mat. This week I recognized how important it is for me to continue to practice, practice, practice. For, as Shri K. Pattahbi Jois, the founder of Astanga Yoga said, “all is coming”.

All is coming if we stay disciplined and committed. We will change our habits, we will become more compassionate with ourselves and with others and we will learn to handle challenges with more grace and ease. As we all know from our yoga practice, we must do things over and over and over again in order to master a pose. We must explore, be patient and throw ourselves loads of loving-kindness throughout the process.

It took me years to learn to surrender and trust myself when making the decision to cancel classes or not. It took me years of practicing this decision making process. I struggled, I stretched myself and I didn’t always make the best decision but I did always practice making them.

Hopefully our power will come back soon and our schedule will go back to normal. Life will calm down for a day, a month or perhaps just a moment.

It’s very simple. You become distracted when you start thinking about something other than what you are doing at the moment, whether that you are on a field, in the classroom or in the car. Distraction comes in many forms. You become distracted when you start thinking about the past or the future or when you daydream. You become distracted when you start to doubt or judge yourself. You become distracted whenever you interrupt your mind from staying in the present moment.

Here is the take home point … when you are distracted in any its form, you will be in a weakened mental state. You cannot read this sentence and fully absorb its meaning while thinking about your next vacation. You will most likely not be able to execute a penalty kick or free throw successfully while doubting your abilities. You may get lucky once or twice but champions are crowned by being consistent and mentally focused.

A few years ago, I was watching an NFL playoff game with my daughters, both athletes. The game came down to a field goal attempt with less than a minute to play. As we watched the kicker walk onto the field towards the football, I commented, “He is not going to make the field goal”. My girls questioned how I knew this. I explained that if you looked at his eyes, you see that he is filled with doubt and fear. That he is distracted not directed. Needless to say, he missed the goal and his team lost the game.

Your mind is like a muscle that can be trained to stay directed and focused during key moments of intensity, like a field goal attempt, a free throw or a race. So let’s begin our Verge Yoga Mental Strength Training Program.

Is your mind is always somewhere other than where it should be or continuously filled with fear, doubt and judgment? If so, then you are living and playing from a weakened mental state. For now, my recommendation to you, whether you are a competitive athlete or not, is to start by asking yourself a few times per day, “Am I distracted or am I directed?” You grow stronger every time you catch yourself in a distracted state and are able to bring yourself back into a directed or focused state. It is that easy. Let’s start there…

Stay tuned. Part 2 of this blog, will cover the latter part of Rolf’s sentence, “a directed mind has limitless potential”.

Recommended Reading: Meditations from the Mat by Rolf Gates

So after receiving several requests to write about how I ‘”re-entered” the world after the cleanse, I report to you that I am still feeling great but am having to stay very focused to not go back to old ways. In other words, I am wary about ever going back to feeling yucky, bloated and stuffed. It is a moment-to-moment practice.

In many ways, it is almost easier to be on the program than not. While on The Clean Program I knew that I was not to eat dairy, wheat, soy, nightshade vegetables and other foods that are highly acidic or cause the body to create inflammation. Now that I am off “the cleanse” I am obviously free to eat whatever I want but have learned that I have to be careful and study how my body (and mind) feel after I eat it. Here are some of my post cleanse insights:

1. Dairy – I am mildly lactose intolerant. I can eat Greek yogurt but anything heftier (like the fudgesicle I ate two days after the cleanse) just doesn’t work for me. (cramps, clogged feeling in ears and nose) Interesting, huh? I will limit dairy to my protein powder that contains whey, a couple of yogurts per week and a sprinkle of cheese on a salad here and there.

2. Wheat – I used to be a wheat junkie. Seriously. Pretzels, break and pasta were staples in my diet. I have reintroduced it back into my diet on a very small scale and intend to be very, very careful not to go back to my prior habits. The truth is that I just don’t feel mentally sharp after eating wheat products. It is, I believe, one of the causes of my prior state of mental fuzz. So again, I am not going cold turkey but plan to eat wheat like one eats ketchup, here and there and whenever necessary.

3. Sugar (and alcohol)– Ah… This one has been a huge revelation to me. New flash… When you don’t eat sugar, you don’t crave sugar! It is really that simple. I believe now more than ever that a huge, if not number one cause of obesity in our country is that we are constantly craving sugar. There are so many hidden sugars in our foods that we have no clue how much we are eating until we go off of it for a few weeks. I am telling you that this formerly “just a couple of Hershey kisses a day” yogi has not craved sugar for over five weeks.

Post Cleanse Status: I like feeling clean. I have more energy and am overall just happier.

Please communicate with me if you are on or plan to go on The Clean Program. I would love to hear from you! cara@vergeyogacenter.com

For more information on this program please go to http://www.cleanprogram.com/ or purchase:
Clean – The revolutionary program to Restore the Body’s Natural Ability to Heal Itself by Alejandro Junger, M.D.

For all of us, stepping onto a path towards change is challenging and takes courage. It takes tremendous inertia to commit to a cleanse, step on a yoga mat or sit on a meditation cushion. Once the intention is set, however, staying on the path just takes focus and some discipline. As I have said before, if I can do it, you can do it.

After 21 days of no dairy, wheat, alcohol, sugar, soy and a bunch of other stuff I feel clean. I feel as though my body has awakened from years of sluggish slumber. I promise you that I am not exaggerating. I am completely inspired to live the rest of my life in a clean state. That doesn’t mean that my lips will never touch another glass of wine or dark chocolate or chips for that matter but I am committed to staying conscious when I choose to consume them.

Now that I am post-cleanse I will slowly start reintroducing some food back into my diet.  Slowly is the key word here for diving into an ice cream sundae or eating a pizza would certainly cause World War 3 in my system. I must admit that I am a bit nervous about this process. It is kind of like looking at a white canvas with a palate full of paints. The colors should be mindfully chosen and the brush strokes deliberately placed.

The good news is that my husband Brian and daughter Julianna have both committed to start The Clean Program on Thursday upon return from our vacation in New Hamsphire. They will inspire me to stay “clean” for at least three more weeks.

So in closing, I thank you all for reading about my adventure and I do hope that these posts were helpful and even perhaps inspiring. I would like to thank both Rachael Hunter and Jim Ferris for their support and humor during my process and I would like to offer my support to any of you all that would like to start The Clean Program. Please feel free to email me at cara@vergeyogacenter.com.

I promise you that three weeks goes by fast and it is undoubtedly worth the ride.

Day 21 Revelation and Commitment: I will never go back to fuzzy mind or sluggish body… ever.

For more information on this program please go to http://www.cleanprogram.com/ or purchase:
Clean – The revolutionary program to Restore the Body’s Natural Ability to Heal Itself by Alejandro Junger, M.D.
Follow my blog on-line at www.vergeyogacenter.com